At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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