Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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