You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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