I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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