I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
