I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
