just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
