Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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