I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Those nachos came to me in a dream
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
