What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
