my phone needs a breathalizer
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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