so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
