he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
