Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
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Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
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Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes