ADVERTISEMENT

• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.

  Fav 12 1456 4984

  share tweet
  

• (619): View more from California

  you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog

  (716): View more from New York

  do you not see the irony in that??

  Fav 73 16752 1632

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded

  Fav 59 1533 7346

  share tweet
  

• (734): View more from Michigan

  Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.

  Fav 32 1140 6514

  share tweet
  
• 

  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (214): View more from Texas

  I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.

  Fav 35 6049 1874

  share tweet
  

• (707): View more from California

  its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me

  Fav 11 2095 3578

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (301): View more from Maryland

  OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.

  Fav 9 1050 3001

  share tweet
  

• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.

  Fav 3 2431 694

  share tweet
  

• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.

  Fav 8 1202 986

  share tweet
  
• 

  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (604): View more from British Columbia

  I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.

  Fav 7 1515 771

  share tweet
  

• (941): View more from Florida

  Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs

  Fav 13 3109 700

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (770): View more from Georgia

  Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.

  Fav 7 1236 726

  share tweet
  

• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital

  Fav 0 435 609

  share tweet
  

• (530): View more from California

  he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is

  Fav 3 537 354

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (775): View more from Nevada

  The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......

  Fav 4 115 197

  share tweet
  

Randomize