I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.