i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus