My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
