just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
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Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
These tits shall not be calmed
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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