Pregnant stripper...not hot.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
