the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
