My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
