Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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