You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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