i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
