It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
As shirtless as possible
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
