The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
