ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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