Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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