I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
