I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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