An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
