I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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