what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
