i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
