The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
