After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
