You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
