Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
People with herpes should wear stickers.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
