I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
