i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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