i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
