At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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