It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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