I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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