Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
