I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Never underestimate the power of titties
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
