He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
