I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
