I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
