There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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