So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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