i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
