Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
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I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
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I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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