To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
so let's talk penis.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
