Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
