I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
