It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
