Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I think my fart just growled at me.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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