420 ftw
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
