i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Randomize
