my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
