ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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