i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
