fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
