I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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