Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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