ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
