i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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