At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize
