Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
